ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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