My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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