He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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