wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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