Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
