if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
