she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize