Kiss
Puke
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize