And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
