just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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