I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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