I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
