We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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