He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
