I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
