She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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