The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize