Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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