you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
