Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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