I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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