____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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