I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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