So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
