my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
