First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
