Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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