Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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