he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
