Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
