You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You were trust falling into bushes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
