Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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