i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
