I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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