Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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