You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she woke up with a sticky ear
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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