I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
