Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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