Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
