You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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