i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
