So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize