By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
