Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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