My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
