Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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