Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There r osticjed everywhere
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize