Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
