he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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