NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
