im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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