The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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