even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
