Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
