I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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