I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
