apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
