Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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