I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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