it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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