I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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