it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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