Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
