My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if only i could text you this smell
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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