So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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