are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
